Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated

There aren’t a lot of good single men left there in New York City. As far as I can tell, everyone tells us. When Deanna* moved into the city late 2021 It was her turn to test if any truth in the claim. Freshly single after his boyfriend, who was with her for three years split with her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time that a private Facebook page named Do We Dating The Same Guy NYC was launched as a good opportunity to follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy prescreening questionnaire and community rules which served as a barrier to entry. It was also 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested and so she joined.

The community

The group-which was established with the very specific intention of helping women verify whether their romantic prospects were seeing others – was founded in the month of March 2022. It is believed that nearly every large US city has a similar community now and the rules are clear: Anyone is allowed to post anonymously. There is no censorship or sharing sensitive data, and in no case can screenshots be deleted from the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming, no hate speech. Do not tell someone that you’ve been listed in the group.At site https://datingfortodaysman.com/ from Our Articles Following the scandal that of West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it seemed that a lot of women were looking in search of a way to check out others like him. According to one TikTok user said in the moment This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

This is, in fact, what the group had turned into as of the time Deanna joined. Each edition of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a catchall site for women seeking advice about their relationships or share their concerns about a man with whom they’ve had poor dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, how they send them other females to try and lure them onto social media is also a trend. It’s easy to go down a rabbit into a puddle of screenshots Hinge profiles, stories of hookups that didn’t work, and memes about the perils of modern day dating. The most well-known posts include photos of a man with his initials, requesting whether someone has matched or dated the individual in question. Emojis that have a red flag are a frequent sight on sparse yet alarming posts warning of an ex or a bad experience frequently accompanied by a downward arrow and the depressing phrases See comments for more info.

Online dating has dominated our options in recent years, with one recent study revealing that almost 39% of heterosexual couples met their loved ones online. It’s only natural that the romantic component of romance is changing to the online age. Instead of chatting with small groups of acquaintances over drinks or venting to coworkers, we are now seeking advice from 43,000 women with similar – and in some cases very similar-experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie A group member. Not saying that there’sn’t certain privileges however it was useful for me in terms of rethinking my view of dating. There’s no competition with other women, but holding men to a much higher level than I was before.

It’s obvious to me, however, that certain of the behaviors which is encouraged and supported in Are We the Dating the Same Guy is warning signs if used by potential partners. Photos, private discussions, and screenshots posted without consent or knowledge are abundant. People look up social media profiles on a near daily basis. It’s easy in order for a prospective date to be taken off the table. Though Deanna likes being a part of the crowd, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she admits. But I’m guessing that you’ll have to deal with the fact that it can become this echo chamber of men have got us in trouble for so long, we’re going to do it right back.

We are still the patriarchal system

We are still a patriarchal culture, so until we’re truly equal the online interactions will generate different reactions based on the backgrounds of each individual. But, can a group like this truly be proactive in its empowerment on the one hand of the coin and reprehensible to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? Is it hyperlocal and inter-personal-only for individuals who reside and date within the city that the group is located in. The women and men they profile could be your neighbour colleague, coworker’s friend, family member, or most the most recent Hinge match. Yet, there’s a sense of depersonalization that is a result of operating on the internet, making everything feel like games. It’s not too far to suggest this is demeaning to the dates involved in both groups-especially when the details of private conversations, interactions as well as photos can be shared without knowing or consent, usually just for the sake of entertainment.